Week Twenty-Two: No surprises except mine!

It’s getting down to crunch time, and I have yet another holiday behind me. And, may I add that I fared exceedingly well, in spite of the amount of calories, carbs, and fat I managed to cram down my neck in a four day period…and all with very little time for exercise, seeing as how I was on the go most of the weekend.

How much did I lose—or not lose—this past week? I think I’m gonna keep that, along with the rest of my weigh-ins, under wraps until my final check-in. That way I can take this thing out with a bang and not a whimper!

I’m now less than a month away from 50, and it seems that every day I find a new wrinkle. Which has led me to believe that this weight loss thing is a double-edged sword. After all, the fat in my face did a nice job of keeping the wrinkles poofed out and not quite as noticeable. Hmmm…wonder how expensive Botox injections are?

And I would like to take this time to apologize again to my sister and my husband, who apparently had been planning an elaborate shindig to commemorate my slipping into the abyss of antiquity. And before you roll your eyes at that one, riddle me this: is a 50-year-old piece of furniture not considered antique?

As you’ve probably already guessed by now, I put the kibosh (with a capital K, I might add) to that plan before I knew it was even a plan. For many months now I have lamented on how I wished I could just go off to a corner somewhere, by myself, and let the big Five-Oh quietly pass me by. Apparently, these two thought I was kidding and hatched a plan to make it the biggest event of my life thus far. While all this was going on behind my back, I proceeded to warn my husband that, should I be surprised by any sort of formal gathering on my birthday, I would turn and walk out. Because I knew it was just like him to want to make a big deal out of my birthday (which he does every year, really—I think it’s to make up for the fact that it’s so close to Christmas) and because my sister unsuccessfully pleaded her case with me a couple weeks earlier. She even suggested an outdoor barbecue by the pond. It’s December, for crying out loud!

After a couple of days to mull it over, I did lighten up a little and agreed to consider a family dinner. Because even if I’m old, I still have to eat, true?



True story that happened to me yesterday:

This is how you know you're getting old: I was at a department store and needed help finding women's underwear. Not wanting to be crude or tactless by asking where I could find bras and panties, I found a twenty-something employee and asked where I could find the Foundations department. (Not at all realizing I was apparently speaking something akin to Elizabethan era English.) Following her directions, I went around the corner and to my left...to find she had directed me to Cosmetics.